Remote Learning Continues

I absolutely cannot believe it has been a month. 

Some things are getting better.  I have established enough of a routine for grading that I am not overwhelmed with just that on any given day.  I am coming up with lessons that I think are challenging but not too difficult.  The students seem to be enjoying what I am giving them.  I think Logan is figuring out what I need from him in order to understand what is being asked of him during remote learning.  I have organized the hell out of a lot of our home spaces.  I am keeping the house fairly clean each day.  The weather is changing, so we are able to be outside more.  I absolutely love our front courtyard.  I can tell that will be my favorite place in the summer.  Once we find an umbrella, it will be a perfect space to hang out.

Some things are still hard.  Logan is taking complete advantage of being asked to do school online and is constantly playing games.  He does not yet understand how much time he is wasting just staring at things.  I cannot convince him about taking breaks and being outside-even though I feel like I am modeling that on top of bugging him to do it.  I haven't done any damn thing with Henry to further his learning.  I mean we're reading, and I know play helps, but he also actually loves to write and draw and I have not been doing those things with him. 

I am so tired.  While I am enjoying so many benefits of being home all day, I get no break from any of it.  It's hard to wind down at all.  I am definitely drinking alcohol.  I am constantly reminded of what I have left to do around the house and for school and for my kids and my husband all at the same time.  And the potential opportunity for constantly doing something for all is available.  It feels like there is no excuse for not doing something because it's all here.

My students are barely showing up to meetings.  I am returning work non stop for not being completed and I ask them to read the directions and they seem clueless.  It is getting harder not to completely lose it on them.  They are cheating and copying so much more.

Then in the midst of my anger, I know that they, too, are having a hard time and I should go easy on them and I feel guilty.  How do we hold them accountable during a time like this?  How do I show compassion and understanding through a computer?  Especially if they won't communicate?

I am overwhelmed at the enormity.  I am resentful that I didn't really get to figure out how to teach before being shoved into this situation.  I feel responsible for everything and wholly incapable of handling it at times. 

We are remote learning through the rest of the school year.  There is talk that we will be doing this on and off next year.  Or that we may return, but it will go back and forth each week with half of our students to have social distancing....what about the halls?  The bathrooms?  I just.... That is all heresay at this point.  They're bouncing ideas to try to come up with a plan for next year if we are asked to do any number of things.  Henry starts kindergarten.  He may not get to be in a classroom. 

Right now I am just in a moment of sadness and desperation and if I could hide away, I would.  Instead I will go meet with my students and provide my millionth comment to half my students and hope they and I both get anything done.