*I will avoid screaming at the baby "YOU CAN SLEEP! REALLY IT'S OKAY-AND YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT BEING HELD!"
*I will exercise even though I don't feel like it.
*I will clean the kitchen and put away the laundry for the thousandth time today....
*I will smile when I feel like crying.
*I will refrain from chucking the cats across the house when they wake me up during one of the few times I sleep at night.
*I will not eat Bread, I will not eat bread, I will not eat Bread.
*I will do something I want, even if it means I sleep less. What's one less hour after all?
*I will take two deep breaths when Logan has tested me for the millionth time today.
*I will be more organized.
* I will be more thankful for what I have, because on my worst day I have it better than most people, including many I know.
*I will choose how I feel because who really wants to feel like crap?
* I will make more of an effort with friends no matter how busy my life is.
* I will strive to be more positive in general because the effects on myself, my life, and those around me will be amazing.
* I will remember I can only get what I give and cannot expect more.
* I will push myself because I am capable of more than what I have accomplished so far and it is worth it.
Happy living people!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Romance and LOVE, or LUUUUV
As my own relationship has hit a lovely new spot, I thought I would share some of the things I have found to work in my own relationship, along with a few things I have in my back pocket to pull out in the future. As I've stated before, I do believe that what you put into life, you get out of it. Am I great in implementing this? Not as much as I'd like everyone to believe...but the area in my life where I have probably done the best at this is in my relationship, and trust me I have plenty of room for improvement. I should be doing things daily, even if it's one tiny peck on the cheek. My husband has been very patient with me however, and tells me daily that he is madly in love with me (Yes, I got super freaking lucky and I KNOW it).
In any case, what follows are some things you can try, or just laugh at how insanely corny I am, but I have never been one to much care, so here goes! Love on, people!
1. One of the first things I'll mention is a website I've found called www.thedatingdivas.com
This is a wonderfully goofy, inventive place if you are needing help with day to day stuff. There are date ideas, TONS of printable things from "Love Tickets" (like a parking ticket, but for luuuuuv), naughty suggestions for the bedroom if that's your thing, and romantic reminders for your special someone. This is a vast website, and most of the printables are free, so check it out. Very quick way to make your lover feel special and it's almost brainless. Can't beat that.
2. I like to be crafty. As such, I have taken to scrapbooking pictures from our wedding and honeymoon. It is such a fun way to add even more personality to those events, and if you get really creative you will help you and your spouse to remember some of your best times and it will be a great way to showcase your relationship to your children and grandchildren one day.
3. Along with #2, and #1, I have made what I call our "Love book". This was initially a gift I gave to my husband as his wedding present (we were barely making it to pay for the wedding and honeymoon, so I needed cheap). But I'm lucky, because my husband is super sappy, so it worked for us. I wrote down my memories of when we first met, and all the big moments leading up to that point in our life. I left room for pictures and cards or love notes we had for those times to add another element to it. I did fork out the money for a nice journal, but this is just a cute way to keep the special cards and notes you give each other. My husband then added his account of memories and his thoughts/feelings for our one year anniversary. Since then I've added to it as cute things come up. We both love this, and I especially love re-reading the beginning because it's easy to forget how much in love you were at the start.
4. Now that I've mentioned it-TAKE PICTURES! Don't live behind your camera, but make sure you have some visuals of your life together. My husband has gifted me a photo album each Christmas of the past years pictures and I love it. We go through it periodically with out little one and it's one more way to re-connect.
5. Since we're talking about putting effort into a relationship, let's just recognize it isn't always fun or goofy that is needed. I'm sure you've heard of this book as it was everywhere for a while, but "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is another way to help you connect. I think a lot of people just assume if you talk, you're communicating. What I have come to find, however, is that when my husband says something, it is very easy for me to read something else entirely from it because of my past experiences and my own thoughts about a particular subject. Now this book doesn't tell you how to overcome that, but it DOES help you understand how best to show your partner love. This can be rather difficult if you would rather hear expressions of love, but your partner would rather feel love physically. We tend to do the style that we, ourselves, want. So if you're telling your partner how much you love them, but they needs hugs and hand holding (Among other things) to feel loved....well my friend, you've got a problem. You can buy the book, or go to www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ and take the quiz yourself. Make sure your spouse is on board as well, so you can both start making sure you show love the way it's needed.
6. Remember when you were a kid and you had a list ten pages long of all the stuff you were going to accomplish? You had dreams, and you thought about them constantly. You should do this still, but with your SO. Where do you want to go on trips? What kind of house would you live in if you could? Was there something you always wanted to learn, and didn't? Make your lists again and see what you have in common. Some of your dreams might be lofty, but it's fun to dream. Talk about what you would do if you went to Italy. Then, decide if any of these dreams can be made into realistic goals. Have something you can both work towards. A common desire that you both try hard to make happen will bring you together. Maybe you can take a class together. Don't knock it!
7. Now, opposite of #6, make sure you both still have your own stuff. As a human being, your identity is not just spouse/partner. You need to make sure you have time to yourself to do whatever it is you do. Don't lose yourself! And if, for some reason, you never found yourself before becoming a twosome, find something now. It will be much more healthy for both of you, and will help rejuvenate you to be the best partner you can be!
8. This one I have not yet done myself, but want to. Write letters to your spouse, and seal them up. On the front, write things such as "Open when you have had a bad day at work." Or, "Open when you need a reminder of how much I love you." Or even "Open when you are feeling madly in love with me." Pour your heart into these. Tell jokes. Put silly pictures in. Make a list of all the great things about your partner that you appreciate. This one will take some effort, but it will be cherished for days/months to come.
9. And here we come to the best part. You guys-HAVE SEX. Whether missionary, or Kama Sutra style...with or without sexy clothing and/or toys...whether you role play or not-HAVE SEX. Not only is it an amazing way to feel utterly connected to your loved one, it makes you feel good about the rest of your life as well. It's exercise without feeling like it is, it makes you happier in general and relieves stress, and it can actually make you feel like you make more money than you do, and if that helps you not stress out about money in the middle of the night, then more power to you!
As you go through life, if you have that special person to share your time with, make sure you put in the effort. Always be sincere in your attempts to be close, and make sure that whatever time you spend, it is quality time. I know kids, work, money, and life in general make it hard to do this, but that's where these different suggestions come in. If you can do a combination of even just some of these, you will feel much happier in your relationship.
Go forth with sappiness, and Happy loving!
In any case, what follows are some things you can try, or just laugh at how insanely corny I am, but I have never been one to much care, so here goes! Love on, people!
1. One of the first things I'll mention is a website I've found called www.thedatingdivas.com
This is a wonderfully goofy, inventive place if you are needing help with day to day stuff. There are date ideas, TONS of printable things from "Love Tickets" (like a parking ticket, but for luuuuuv), naughty suggestions for the bedroom if that's your thing, and romantic reminders for your special someone. This is a vast website, and most of the printables are free, so check it out. Very quick way to make your lover feel special and it's almost brainless. Can't beat that.
2. I like to be crafty. As such, I have taken to scrapbooking pictures from our wedding and honeymoon. It is such a fun way to add even more personality to those events, and if you get really creative you will help you and your spouse to remember some of your best times and it will be a great way to showcase your relationship to your children and grandchildren one day.
3. Along with #2, and #1, I have made what I call our "Love book". This was initially a gift I gave to my husband as his wedding present (we were barely making it to pay for the wedding and honeymoon, so I needed cheap). But I'm lucky, because my husband is super sappy, so it worked for us. I wrote down my memories of when we first met, and all the big moments leading up to that point in our life. I left room for pictures and cards or love notes we had for those times to add another element to it. I did fork out the money for a nice journal, but this is just a cute way to keep the special cards and notes you give each other. My husband then added his account of memories and his thoughts/feelings for our one year anniversary. Since then I've added to it as cute things come up. We both love this, and I especially love re-reading the beginning because it's easy to forget how much in love you were at the start.
4. Now that I've mentioned it-TAKE PICTURES! Don't live behind your camera, but make sure you have some visuals of your life together. My husband has gifted me a photo album each Christmas of the past years pictures and I love it. We go through it periodically with out little one and it's one more way to re-connect.
5. Since we're talking about putting effort into a relationship, let's just recognize it isn't always fun or goofy that is needed. I'm sure you've heard of this book as it was everywhere for a while, but "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is another way to help you connect. I think a lot of people just assume if you talk, you're communicating. What I have come to find, however, is that when my husband says something, it is very easy for me to read something else entirely from it because of my past experiences and my own thoughts about a particular subject. Now this book doesn't tell you how to overcome that, but it DOES help you understand how best to show your partner love. This can be rather difficult if you would rather hear expressions of love, but your partner would rather feel love physically. We tend to do the style that we, ourselves, want. So if you're telling your partner how much you love them, but they needs hugs and hand holding (Among other things) to feel loved....well my friend, you've got a problem. You can buy the book, or go to www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ and take the quiz yourself. Make sure your spouse is on board as well, so you can both start making sure you show love the way it's needed.
6. Remember when you were a kid and you had a list ten pages long of all the stuff you were going to accomplish? You had dreams, and you thought about them constantly. You should do this still, but with your SO. Where do you want to go on trips? What kind of house would you live in if you could? Was there something you always wanted to learn, and didn't? Make your lists again and see what you have in common. Some of your dreams might be lofty, but it's fun to dream. Talk about what you would do if you went to Italy. Then, decide if any of these dreams can be made into realistic goals. Have something you can both work towards. A common desire that you both try hard to make happen will bring you together. Maybe you can take a class together. Don't knock it!
7. Now, opposite of #6, make sure you both still have your own stuff. As a human being, your identity is not just spouse/partner. You need to make sure you have time to yourself to do whatever it is you do. Don't lose yourself! And if, for some reason, you never found yourself before becoming a twosome, find something now. It will be much more healthy for both of you, and will help rejuvenate you to be the best partner you can be!
8. This one I have not yet done myself, but want to. Write letters to your spouse, and seal them up. On the front, write things such as "Open when you have had a bad day at work." Or, "Open when you need a reminder of how much I love you." Or even "Open when you are feeling madly in love with me." Pour your heart into these. Tell jokes. Put silly pictures in. Make a list of all the great things about your partner that you appreciate. This one will take some effort, but it will be cherished for days/months to come.
9. And here we come to the best part. You guys-HAVE SEX. Whether missionary, or Kama Sutra style...with or without sexy clothing and/or toys...whether you role play or not-HAVE SEX. Not only is it an amazing way to feel utterly connected to your loved one, it makes you feel good about the rest of your life as well. It's exercise without feeling like it is, it makes you happier in general and relieves stress, and it can actually make you feel like you make more money than you do, and if that helps you not stress out about money in the middle of the night, then more power to you!
As you go through life, if you have that special person to share your time with, make sure you put in the effort. Always be sincere in your attempts to be close, and make sure that whatever time you spend, it is quality time. I know kids, work, money, and life in general make it hard to do this, but that's where these different suggestions come in. If you can do a combination of even just some of these, you will feel much happier in your relationship.
Go forth with sappiness, and Happy loving!
Sunday, September 14, 2014
New Mommyhood; the Second Time Around.
I recently gave birth to my second son, something my husband and I had been waiting for for over a year. We wanted a baby and it took us several months to become pregnant. Nine months later, in labor, I was ready for my life to change.
What I have found out is that the only thing ready was my heart. My body, patience, firstborn son, mind, husband, and overall sanity were not.
I had many discussions with my eldest about what it was going to mean to have another baby. At 6 years old, I thought he would be somewhat prepared as he had been around babies at his daycare and new they cried, needed smelly diapers changed, and had to have a lot of attention. We talked about his being a big brother, and while he didn't do a jig about it, he seemed excited enough. When the time came however, he acted out horribly, wanted nothing to do with his little brother, and his new favorite saying was "I think you don't love me anymore." Great.
I thought labor was going to be this awesome experience to share with my husband as we had not gone through that together with my first. Two hours in to major labor however, and we had not done any of the exercises we learned about in birthing class, and I already wanted the epidural.
Breastfeeding was going to be much easier because I remembered what it was like with my first and I was more assertive in telling the nurses what felt wrong and what I needed help with. For the first week of his life, it took at least 20 minutes of trying to get him to latch at all, and then even longer to do it correctly so that my nipples didn't bleed and hurt so badly I contemplated punching a newborn.
While pregnant, I was sure I was going to get all sorts of things done at home when on maternity leave. I have mostly spent my days feeding the baby and deciding between napping or trying to be productive. I have gotten better at managing my time and the baby, but I worry about how the laundry will get done when I am back at work. How much clutter will pile up when I don't have all day to pick up one or two things at a time as I'm passing by? Will the kitchen EVER be clean? How often will we eat real meals when I won't be home at all until 5:00 and quite possibly have to take at least half an hour to feed the baby all the while fighting with Logan to do his homework. Then there's the part where I thought I would be able to find a balance and keep my sanity by scrapbooking or writing....Tomorrow Henry is one month old and this is the first time I am writing. I have not scrapbooked...I feel like I can't take the time to do these things when there is still so much left to do in the house.
When Henry wakes from his naps, I have to stop what I'm doing because I am the titty bar and he very much likes to be stuck to me. I cannot move around while he's eating which means for at least half an hour to an hour every 3 hours, I am completely non-productive. I guess other than keeping a human being alive...But seriously, my husband is amazing and changes diapers and will burp Henry, but I have only had a handful of meals together with my family because he eats at an awful time and I need more support than the kitchen chair provides while feeding Henry. Andrew does not have to get up in the middle of the night and be awake enough to feed him and burp him and changed his diaper, all the while wondering if you're going to be up at a decent time to feed him in the mid-morning hours when it's time to get the other one up for school. And when I go back to work? God help me I'll be crying all the way there for lack of sleep and frustration, and probably a shower.
I don't know. I thought because I had a husband this time around and I had gone through it once before it would be easier. But I was younger which meant I had more natural resolve to get through the day on less sleep. I was able to lose weight easier. Now it is not only hard to lose weight, but it is really easy to GAIN it.
So everyone-I do not think I have a point to this post other than showing through my personal account that first of all, nothing goes as planned (great cliche being true), and that being a mommy is hard and I really wish there was more to my identity right now, but for the time being it will have to suffice.
What I have found out is that the only thing ready was my heart. My body, patience, firstborn son, mind, husband, and overall sanity were not.
I had many discussions with my eldest about what it was going to mean to have another baby. At 6 years old, I thought he would be somewhat prepared as he had been around babies at his daycare and new they cried, needed smelly diapers changed, and had to have a lot of attention. We talked about his being a big brother, and while he didn't do a jig about it, he seemed excited enough. When the time came however, he acted out horribly, wanted nothing to do with his little brother, and his new favorite saying was "I think you don't love me anymore." Great.
I thought labor was going to be this awesome experience to share with my husband as we had not gone through that together with my first. Two hours in to major labor however, and we had not done any of the exercises we learned about in birthing class, and I already wanted the epidural.
Breastfeeding was going to be much easier because I remembered what it was like with my first and I was more assertive in telling the nurses what felt wrong and what I needed help with. For the first week of his life, it took at least 20 minutes of trying to get him to latch at all, and then even longer to do it correctly so that my nipples didn't bleed and hurt so badly I contemplated punching a newborn.
While pregnant, I was sure I was going to get all sorts of things done at home when on maternity leave. I have mostly spent my days feeding the baby and deciding between napping or trying to be productive. I have gotten better at managing my time and the baby, but I worry about how the laundry will get done when I am back at work. How much clutter will pile up when I don't have all day to pick up one or two things at a time as I'm passing by? Will the kitchen EVER be clean? How often will we eat real meals when I won't be home at all until 5:00 and quite possibly have to take at least half an hour to feed the baby all the while fighting with Logan to do his homework. Then there's the part where I thought I would be able to find a balance and keep my sanity by scrapbooking or writing....Tomorrow Henry is one month old and this is the first time I am writing. I have not scrapbooked...I feel like I can't take the time to do these things when there is still so much left to do in the house.
When Henry wakes from his naps, I have to stop what I'm doing because I am the titty bar and he very much likes to be stuck to me. I cannot move around while he's eating which means for at least half an hour to an hour every 3 hours, I am completely non-productive. I guess other than keeping a human being alive...But seriously, my husband is amazing and changes diapers and will burp Henry, but I have only had a handful of meals together with my family because he eats at an awful time and I need more support than the kitchen chair provides while feeding Henry. Andrew does not have to get up in the middle of the night and be awake enough to feed him and burp him and changed his diaper, all the while wondering if you're going to be up at a decent time to feed him in the mid-morning hours when it's time to get the other one up for school. And when I go back to work? God help me I'll be crying all the way there for lack of sleep and frustration, and probably a shower.
I don't know. I thought because I had a husband this time around and I had gone through it once before it would be easier. But I was younger which meant I had more natural resolve to get through the day on less sleep. I was able to lose weight easier. Now it is not only hard to lose weight, but it is really easy to GAIN it.
So everyone-I do not think I have a point to this post other than showing through my personal account that first of all, nothing goes as planned (great cliche being true), and that being a mommy is hard and I really wish there was more to my identity right now, but for the time being it will have to suffice.
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