Disclaimer: This is the place and the time I am giving myself to spill it all out. To air the thoughts that have been swirling around. I have not directly addressed them and it has made me cranky. Here we go:
The 13th of March may very well be the last time I saw my students. I did not even start the year with them. I began my teaching career January of 2020 and less than three months later, here we are.
I am mourning: We did not have much time together. This means that they barely got used to me before their learning was disrupted. I have two elective classes of students I have actually never even met before. I felt I was just getting to know myself as a teacher, and practicing how to be in the classroom. I saw what was working and what wasn't. Spring Break was going to give us all the chance to come back and try it all a little bit differently. I put a lot of emphasis on our relationships. Helping everyone feel as comfortable and happy as they could in my room. I provided snacks, lotion, sanitary pads, and hugs...cue my tears.
I needed more time to practice my skills. To give students what they deserve. I needed to make rubrics. To grade more quickly. To give feedback more often. To prepare myself better prior to my classes. To set clear boundaries on classroom expectations if I want to continue to be kind of loose. To figure out how better to accommodate students who need it. And so much more. Please don't misunderstand-I did not expect to have it all completely figured out. But I knew what I needed to do, and I don't know what any of this will look like online.
Some of these I will be able to work on. Others, not so much. Do you know how much feedback I give verbally? This blows.
Andrew has had to work from home for a week now. We don't know what his situation will look like. Everything changes so quickly with who can be open, what work can be done, and who even has a job anymore. He may be allowed or required to go back into the office. But for now, he has the office space downstairs.
I have made mine in our bedroom. We will see how that works out.
Logan will be expected to do whatever school looks like while at home. We have decided not to take Henry back to preschool. He may never see his teachers or friends again. This is hard on them both. And while we are all trying to figure out how to make this work, we are annoying the hell out of each other. As I look to finally being given guidance on my own job, I know I will have work to do. We will do our best to make a schedule and take turns (hopefully) dealing with the kids.
I have finally decided to stop looking at so much news. It is not good for me. Today there is sunshine. Today I have created my work space. Today the birds are singing. I have amazing friends who help me find the calm and remember the happy. It might have to be small things, but at least there are those. But make no mistake. Every time I would have said something to a child, every time I would have been given the opportunity to smile at them and give an encouraging nod, to offer some chocolate, or to just let them be-all of those are now gone. I miss them. But we move forward.
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