Uneasy

In my current state I find myself turning to the written word to work through it all.  Yet I'm not sure where to start.  I feel fragile.

Since the start of the most recent presidential campaign I have, at times, felt overwhelmingly alone.  Alone in the severity of my distress.  Alone in being unable to understand the extreme hate and love of ignorance; deep thought and polite discourse losing out to the excitement of being loud and 'right'.
I have read and reread that disdain and prejudice towards others is a learned trait brought about because of some agenda.  Yet.  What agenda could be so huge that you must create a perceived negativity so huge in others that we spit vile and desire to create pain.  I don't understand.

This 'otherness' is awful.  And it's on so many levels, big and small.  I feel it, too.  I can't possibly have anything in common with those swastika carrying, rifle shooting, hate mongering men and women right?  But that's not true.  They have fears.  They've been told something will happen if we treat everyone the same.  They believe 'others' shouldn't have the same rights; that they shouldn't share the same space even.  That their 'otherness' is such a threat that it must be kept at bay.  That maybe, they even should be eradicated from the planet we all share.

I don't understand.  But we are not different at our core.  We are not.  We are the same.  You and I work towards goals just as 'they' do.  I didn't want to turn preachy.  I guess I have an intense desire to find a resolution.  To find the end of the tunnel, and emerge in the sun renewed after dredging through the dark.  You guys, I'd love to say the answer is that we all stop seeing the 'otherness' and realize we are all the same.  That is incredibly unrealistic.  So I'm not sure what the answer is.  What I do know is that I have become so sensitive to hearing anybody suggest violence, feeling wholly sick to my stomach.  Whether it's accompanied by hate speech, or sometimes worse, just an offhand remark.  As if the idea of killing somebody was just as normal as pouring your cereal and milk in the morning.  Something everybody has done, and many of us, everyday of our lives.  Should we just as often get rid of the others?

This has gotten so rambly, but I did warn you I was trying to work through it.  I'm not sure I will.  I know that I can make changes in my own life.  Be more aware of myself and my thoughts and reactions.  I can call people out if I witness something.  We have a hard climb ahead, knowing we have leaders who care not and use every chance they have to discredit those who would be the real helpers.  But we can help each other.  We can boost one another up and never stop talking about it and standing up for people.  Fear is strong, but it becomes hopeless and makes mistakes.  Love is never ending.  It finds strength in little things and becomes emboldened at every step.

I still feel awful.  I feel the ugliness and I've been crying so much.  But I will not be kept quiet.  But please, try to find a way to feel the 'we'-the 'us' and not so much 'them' and 'they'.  It won't help.