We are pretty much in full planning mode now. We have the decorations figured out, if not all bought yet. We have the favors figured out. I have a dress. We have an almost finished song list. Of course now we need to get all of the songs and save them to cd's in the order we want them. We have the cake and food figured out. And don't forget booze. We have a photographer.
Now we need a videographer. I need to find my accessories. We need to figure out who will marry us...neither one of us is particularly religious. We still need to find a ring for Andrew. Need to get an outfit for the dude.
The honeymoon has been booked. We are going on a cruise that stops at Haiti, Cozumel, Jamaica, and the Caymen islands. Paying for all of it is going to be a little hard. Andrew has been saving like crazy. We have our plane tickets booked and paid for.
My mom is helping us pay for decorations and things for the wedding. The wedding will be at her house. I am excited, if not a little freaked out. Just worried it might get a little tough to stay cordial at best, with all of the junk going on. It will be okay. I hope.
We did our save the dates last night, finally. So now I get to find all the e-mail addresses I need. Yes, we're being cheap. But they look nice!
Anyway-the date is August 31st and I can't believe how close it's getting. Getting everything done without losing it might be hard. We're having a pretty low-key wedding, considering, yet we still have so much to do. I don't understand.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Have nothing much to say
Nothing the first: My job. I really like it. I talk to people all day, which I like to do. And in some ways I get to investigate things. Taking phone calls on a more regular basis now that I'm out of training affirms that I have learned something. Unfortunately, part of what I've learned is that there are two very big problems with the way things are handled internally. One may not be a huge issue if the agents and their staff simply accepted it and took two seconds to make a phone call. The other is not their fault, but rather a large company who for some reason isn't taking advantage of the opportunity to make more money. Neither really works for me, or seems acceptable. Both are something I want to be a part of rectifying, I really only see one as being a possibility. And even then, a long shot. I have to convince corporate talking heads that what they know is wrong, and what they think is beyond retarded. Hell, I can't hardly get my own mother to accept that I can make decisions that won't explode in my face, and remember when we are meeting up to do something.
Btw- when you call a center, and the person on the other end is trying to resolve the issue you have, please stop yelling at them at that point. They probably realize that the way they have to handle things may not be the best. Someone else might have messed up before you got on the phone with the present person. I realize you may be miffed beyond belief. But at a certain point, your venting is just you being a fucking asshole. So take a breath, calm the fuck down, and let that rep help you. In a perfect world, everybody will know what they're doing. But sometimes, somebody is new at their job. Be patient. Be kind. And if you're a bitch to somebody, for the love of God do not be surprised when they come back at you in kind. If that person somehow manages to keep their cool, and lets you bitch your head off; thank them for listening to you without hanging up, crying, or yelling right back at you. Just because you can't see them and you don't know each other doesn't mean your yelling doesn't affect them.
Nothing the 2nd: I really have tried to be better with my mom. I know that I have been. I upset her this past weekend and went to apologize and we had a good conversation and got past it. I was sorry I upset her. It made me sad to see her so hurt. A year or so ago, that would not have been the case. I feel like we have come really far. She is offering to pay for, honestly, most of the wedding and that is amazing. What I haven't been able to get out of my head is the fact that she has my clarinet. It got stolen my senior year of high school, about three weeks before I graduated. I was devastated. Almost exactly a year later, it was found. I didn't end up playing much because I was new to college, had a full time job, and new boyfriend. I also moved out of my parents house for the first time. I then got pregnant and my whole life changed. I didn't play much. My mom came into hard times and decided she might sell it. At this point that still has not happened, and the things she buys and the way she spends her money lead me to believe only one thing. She is not so hard up that she still needs a thousand dollars right this second. Not only that, but she then wanted to sell it to pay for dental cleaning for myself, and a bed for Andrew and I. With my new job, I have dental insurance, and Andrew has been saving up for a bed. Her needs/desires to sell the clarinet are now moot. Yet when I brought it up the last time, pointing some of these things out, it was clear she would not discuss it with me.
I don't know what to do. I have writing as an outlet, but I have to think about what i'm about to create. With my clarinet, I just play. My fingers remember a rift as I see it on the page. I can play scales on a whim. And I really love the sound. I love producing music. I love being by myself with it. And I miss it. I miss it and I want to play, and there's a part of me that feels my mother could care less about me and my happiness to not even consider letting me have it back.
Nothing the 3rd: I feel really dumb feeling upset about these things when I really have a lot to be happy about. I have a job that pays better than anything I've had to this point. I have benefits and regular hours. I get to see Logan all the time. And my fiance just came in to the bedroom, playing a game I begged him to buy last weekend so we could play together.
Nothing the 4th: This time of year always reminds me of the worst part of my life. The time I was with Caleb. It was the most terrible time of my life. I cant't help but think about the uneasiness and unhappiness that comes with March. There are several things; most of which I don't feel like I can share on here. Not yet.
.....I mostly just needed to vent. I am sorry that none of this was very happy. But it's what I'm thinking about. And if it's vague, it's because i'm thinking about it but can't bring myself to go that far right now. I've already cried really hard once tonight. I can wait until tomorrow to do it again.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Meditation, Reading, Writing, Exercise and Happiness
With the oncoming stable job hours, I will be able to set a routine for myself. No more getting up at 4 or 5 occasionally for work, or staying until nine, ten, or 11 at night. No more weekends. I have decided that with Logan, I will try to come up with an activity we can do each night. Some craft, or working on numbers or whatever. Maybe playing a game. After he goes to bed, I will spend the rest of my night either reading or writing until half an hour before I want to sleep. At that time I'm going to meditate.
I found a place that sells meditation pyramids...pyramids are supposed to be powerful energy conduits. For those reading this, I don't know how you feel about this kind of thing. I may be going into cool territory, or make you think I'm one of those wackos. Oh well. In any case, I think it's possible to astral project, to slowly heal yourself or others, and calm your emotions, as well as affect yourself in almost every way possible with enough positive concentration and energy put into something. I looked up a website that talks about all the different crystals, and the properties believed to be attached to them. This pyramid I found can be taken down and put up anywhere, allowing for space anyway. When the weather turns warmer I'm going to put it outside. I want to start and end my day with meditation. We'll see what ends up happening.
The other good thing about my work schedule being set is that, at least for training, I will get out at 4:15 every day. My gym is just down the street and I plan on going at least 3 times a week before I get Logan from daycare. Yay.
And the weekends. Ah, the glorious weekends that will again be mine. Two full days with my guys to do whatever we want. Yes.
2012-Bring it on. I'm going to get married this year and work on myself and my family. It's going to be awesome.
I found a place that sells meditation pyramids...pyramids are supposed to be powerful energy conduits. For those reading this, I don't know how you feel about this kind of thing. I may be going into cool territory, or make you think I'm one of those wackos. Oh well. In any case, I think it's possible to astral project, to slowly heal yourself or others, and calm your emotions, as well as affect yourself in almost every way possible with enough positive concentration and energy put into something. I looked up a website that talks about all the different crystals, and the properties believed to be attached to them. This pyramid I found can be taken down and put up anywhere, allowing for space anyway. When the weather turns warmer I'm going to put it outside. I want to start and end my day with meditation. We'll see what ends up happening.
The other good thing about my work schedule being set is that, at least for training, I will get out at 4:15 every day. My gym is just down the street and I plan on going at least 3 times a week before I get Logan from daycare. Yay.
And the weekends. Ah, the glorious weekends that will again be mine. Two full days with my guys to do whatever we want. Yes.
2012-Bring it on. I'm going to get married this year and work on myself and my family. It's going to be awesome.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
2012
So the New Year hasn't started yet, and there is a lot of exciting stuff left in the next week and a half, but 2012 is going to be an amazing year and I am excited to start it.
Andrew and I settled on a cruise, and once we book it we can let everyone know our wedding date. Late August, people...
I will be hearing from State Farm by the end of this week for my final offer to work there. Going through background checks. I had an interview and they called me late one night to let me know they wanted me on board. I have three weeks left at King Soopers and I am so happy. I can't wait to start there. I don't know if I'm more stoked about the money or the stability of hours. Logan need the consistency too. He hasn't been dealing well lately with having some days at home, and some days at daycare. He gets upset when I take him there half the time.
Andrew and I have been talking a lot about our future, and this year is going to be the start of all of it. Everything is looking up. With a stable job I can start planning doing things. I don't have to worry about working things around a job. I am very excited about what this means. When things come together better, I will share more information.
For this year though, I get to make Christmas dinner. We have lots of presents to share and I am happy to be able to have a nice schedule to enjoy Christmas. I get to see lots of family.
WOOO
Andrew and I settled on a cruise, and once we book it we can let everyone know our wedding date. Late August, people...
I will be hearing from State Farm by the end of this week for my final offer to work there. Going through background checks. I had an interview and they called me late one night to let me know they wanted me on board. I have three weeks left at King Soopers and I am so happy. I can't wait to start there. I don't know if I'm more stoked about the money or the stability of hours. Logan need the consistency too. He hasn't been dealing well lately with having some days at home, and some days at daycare. He gets upset when I take him there half the time.
Andrew and I have been talking a lot about our future, and this year is going to be the start of all of it. Everything is looking up. With a stable job I can start planning doing things. I don't have to worry about working things around a job. I am very excited about what this means. When things come together better, I will share more information.
For this year though, I get to make Christmas dinner. We have lots of presents to share and I am happy to be able to have a nice schedule to enjoy Christmas. I get to see lots of family.
WOOO
Friday, November 11, 2011
Feelin' good
So yesterday I applied to State Farm. It's for an underwriting position, of which I already know some about. I called to check on the ins and outs of the job posting. It was posted on the fourth, and the desired start date for the 51, yes 51 positions, is January 9th. That's only two months away. I could have a very clear light at the end of the tunnel. Trying hard not to get too excited, because this could just be the perfect place for me right now. If I don't get it, who knows how long it will be before I find something else like this. Been looking for months now, and I have barely found things to apply for, and hardly any of them were anywhere close to this good.
I talked to an HR employee and she said they haven't had enough applicants yet, so being in the first 51 to apply, I feel pretty confident that I'll get an interview. I had started the process of interviewing at this company a couple of years ago when I decided to go back to school. You do online testing, to see if you have basic comprehension and problem solving skills. They want to know you can type fast. I need to practice using the number pad, but my words per minute is 65 and above. Blah blah blah. I would have gotten hired except my school schedule interferred. This time there will be nothing to intefere. I can have regular hours, most weekends and nights off, a good salary, and NO UNIFORM. I can wear what I want. WOOOOO. I cannot believe how anxious I am about this.
Every time my phone rings I'm going to have a heart attack.
Well I guess that's all. Needed to write all of that so I can focus on writing my book. Mute Math is my companion today. Wooo
I talked to an HR employee and she said they haven't had enough applicants yet, so being in the first 51 to apply, I feel pretty confident that I'll get an interview. I had started the process of interviewing at this company a couple of years ago when I decided to go back to school. You do online testing, to see if you have basic comprehension and problem solving skills. They want to know you can type fast. I need to practice using the number pad, but my words per minute is 65 and above. Blah blah blah. I would have gotten hired except my school schedule interferred. This time there will be nothing to intefere. I can have regular hours, most weekends and nights off, a good salary, and NO UNIFORM. I can wear what I want. WOOOOO. I cannot believe how anxious I am about this.
Every time my phone rings I'm going to have a heart attack.
Well I guess that's all. Needed to write all of that so I can focus on writing my book. Mute Math is my companion today. Wooo
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Job Search, Writing, and losing my mind
Holy cow. I feel like there is no time to do all of the stuff that needs to be done, let alone what I want to do. I feel anxious about everything. It appears that I am unwanted by places that have job openings for something menial and basic like a secretary. This isn't to say these jobs aren't nice, or rewarding. I can very much see myself in something like that. I don't want that to be my career, however. Since I have been unable to receive contact from these places, I have decided to go out and dream big. Super. I have no experience though. Oh sure, if you want to know what's on every burger at Carl's Jr. or where the scallions are, because you don't know they're just green onions, I'm your gal. But if you want me to type up some e-mails, as far as my experience goes, you should absolutely laugh in my face and burn my application right in front of me.
I am unqualified for the jobs that i need to get me experience for other jobs. So what...lie? Beg? Stage a protest that makes no sense because of course they are all going to hire someone with experience over someone who just really wants a job? Yeah. None of those seem good to me, either.
So while I am trying to decide what type of resume and cover letter to write to whichever company won't hire me, I am feeling like a loser because I want to write and feel like I don't have the time to do that and job searching. Plus, there's the part where I'm a living person in a house that needs cleaning.
I want this whole adult thing to be over with. Or at least resolve the job issue. I don't care if that means I have to have something else to worry about. I'm done worrying about what the hell it is I'm going to do. I'd like to be able to pay more of my bills. Maybe I don't even get to pay all of them with the next job; but can I just pay more? I'd also like my son to listen to me half of the time. Look-I'm not even asking for all of the time. Yet somehow, half seems to be incredibly idealistic as well.
Yes, I'm being pathetic and whiny. But look! Self-aware. Oh I don't know.
Okay. Fuck this. I have a house. I have low rent. I have an adorable (when he wants to be) son. I have an awesome fiance. I just put gas in my car that got me over the half way mark. I have put $20 into savings the last two weeks combined. I have coffee to drink. I have food to eat. I have a computer and internet that allow me to be able to work on the things I need and want to.
there. Theoretically out of my funk. Blast the music and eat some lunch. maybe drink some wine. I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I AM AN ECCENTRIC WRITER GOD DAMNIT. Ha. That felt good, too. Okay. Adios.
I am unqualified for the jobs that i need to get me experience for other jobs. So what...lie? Beg? Stage a protest that makes no sense because of course they are all going to hire someone with experience over someone who just really wants a job? Yeah. None of those seem good to me, either.
So while I am trying to decide what type of resume and cover letter to write to whichever company won't hire me, I am feeling like a loser because I want to write and feel like I don't have the time to do that and job searching. Plus, there's the part where I'm a living person in a house that needs cleaning.
I want this whole adult thing to be over with. Or at least resolve the job issue. I don't care if that means I have to have something else to worry about. I'm done worrying about what the hell it is I'm going to do. I'd like to be able to pay more of my bills. Maybe I don't even get to pay all of them with the next job; but can I just pay more? I'd also like my son to listen to me half of the time. Look-I'm not even asking for all of the time. Yet somehow, half seems to be incredibly idealistic as well.
Yes, I'm being pathetic and whiny. But look! Self-aware. Oh I don't know.
Okay. Fuck this. I have a house. I have low rent. I have an adorable (when he wants to be) son. I have an awesome fiance. I just put gas in my car that got me over the half way mark. I have put $20 into savings the last two weeks combined. I have coffee to drink. I have food to eat. I have a computer and internet that allow me to be able to work on the things I need and want to.
there. Theoretically out of my funk. Blast the music and eat some lunch. maybe drink some wine. I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I AM AN ECCENTRIC WRITER GOD DAMNIT. Ha. That felt good, too. Okay. Adios.
Monday, November 7, 2011
The Super crazy month of november
This month is known to many as NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Thousands and thousands of people embark on an intense journey to write 50,000 words in 30 days despite full time jobs, school, kids and whatever else they have going on. I have joined the masses this year with a clear goal in mind. I plotted out a story and made plans for my characters. I finally started writing in a point of view that I don't find myself hating after three pages and being crippled by. My dialogue doesn't blow chunks as it has in the past. I feel good about what I'm writing and I am hoping for one more thing. Catharsis. Only the end of the month will tell if this was a bad idea, or if it was liberating and extremely joyful. Maybe it could be all three. I don't know.
In the world of jobs these days, I have picked up enough shifts the last two weeks because of other people getting fired (yay for stupidity and laziness?) that I have had around 35 hours. Lately I have only been getting around 20-24. Not nearly enough to do what I need my money to. We have three new people in our department in three weeks, and are losing our manager. None of this is a bad thing. We have two new assistants who I think will be great. It's just a lot of change all at once. It's exciting, though.
Outside of my current job, I have decided that since i have not heard back from the jobs I am only applying for because they will be better than the one I have now, I have decided that regardless of whether theyare hiring or not, I will only apply to places I REALLY want to work at. Jobs that I know will make me happy aside from paying my bills. I figure almost anything I choose outside of retail will pay me more than I'm getting now, so the money part shouldn't be hard to fulfill. In finding a place to at least apply to, anyway. I have decided to write a kick ass cover letter, obviously tweeking a few things based on where I apply, and find people to write me reccomendations. After that, I have to figure out what I can to with, or to, the application to make myself and it stand out. I get to be creative right now. Super creative month. It's what I like to do so I should be happy.
Which, by the way, I am. On a random note, I again feel the urge to write how happy I am with my life as a whole. Yes, money is stressful but honestly, I don't really see a time where we won't be at least a little concerned as to where money will come from, or how to use it the best when we have it. Especially if and when we start adding more kids to the mix. However, I know that I have found the right person for me to go through all of this with. Andrew cares for me deeply and he doesn't just assume I know it because he's with me.
Blah blah, mushy icky gooey stuff. I will probably be staying at my mom's tomorrow night because of the late hour I will be getting off of work and she will watch Logan. I am going to ask her if we get Christmas decorations like we did Halloween. I want to start decorating soon. It might seem a little early, but it takes a lot of work to put it all up and take it all down. it hardly seems worth it to enjoy for a short month. Especially when Andrew and I aren't here as much as we'd like to be. I am also just wanting to enjoy the Hoildays. So there.
Guess this update is over. Better chug my coffee and get the kid dressed to go to daycare. Good luck to everyone doing NaNoWriMo, and I love you guys.
In the world of jobs these days, I have picked up enough shifts the last two weeks because of other people getting fired (yay for stupidity and laziness?) that I have had around 35 hours. Lately I have only been getting around 20-24. Not nearly enough to do what I need my money to. We have three new people in our department in three weeks, and are losing our manager. None of this is a bad thing. We have two new assistants who I think will be great. It's just a lot of change all at once. It's exciting, though.
Outside of my current job, I have decided that since i have not heard back from the jobs I am only applying for because they will be better than the one I have now, I have decided that regardless of whether theyare hiring or not, I will only apply to places I REALLY want to work at. Jobs that I know will make me happy aside from paying my bills. I figure almost anything I choose outside of retail will pay me more than I'm getting now, so the money part shouldn't be hard to fulfill. In finding a place to at least apply to, anyway. I have decided to write a kick ass cover letter, obviously tweeking a few things based on where I apply, and find people to write me reccomendations. After that, I have to figure out what I can to with, or to, the application to make myself and it stand out. I get to be creative right now. Super creative month. It's what I like to do so I should be happy.
Which, by the way, I am. On a random note, I again feel the urge to write how happy I am with my life as a whole. Yes, money is stressful but honestly, I don't really see a time where we won't be at least a little concerned as to where money will come from, or how to use it the best when we have it. Especially if and when we start adding more kids to the mix. However, I know that I have found the right person for me to go through all of this with. Andrew cares for me deeply and he doesn't just assume I know it because he's with me.
Blah blah, mushy icky gooey stuff. I will probably be staying at my mom's tomorrow night because of the late hour I will be getting off of work and she will watch Logan. I am going to ask her if we get Christmas decorations like we did Halloween. I want to start decorating soon. It might seem a little early, but it takes a lot of work to put it all up and take it all down. it hardly seems worth it to enjoy for a short month. Especially when Andrew and I aren't here as much as we'd like to be. I am also just wanting to enjoy the Hoildays. So there.
Guess this update is over. Better chug my coffee and get the kid dressed to go to daycare. Good luck to everyone doing NaNoWriMo, and I love you guys.
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