As my own relationship has hit a lovely new spot, I thought I would share some of the things I have found to work in my own relationship, along with a few things I have in my back pocket to pull out in the future. As I've stated before, I do believe that what you put into life, you get out of it. Am I great in implementing this? Not as much as I'd like everyone to believe...but the area in my life where I have probably done the best at this is in my relationship, and trust me I have plenty of room for improvement. I should be doing things daily, even if it's one tiny peck on the cheek. My husband has been very patient with me however, and tells me daily that he is madly in love with me (Yes, I got super freaking lucky and I KNOW it).
In any case, what follows are some things you can try, or just laugh at how insanely corny I am, but I have never been one to much care, so here goes! Love on, people!
1. One of the first things I'll mention is a website I've found called www.thedatingdivas.com
This is a wonderfully goofy, inventive place if you are needing help with day to day stuff. There are date ideas, TONS of printable things from "Love Tickets" (like a parking ticket, but for luuuuuv), naughty suggestions for the bedroom if that's your thing, and romantic reminders for your special someone. This is a vast website, and most of the printables are free, so check it out. Very quick way to make your lover feel special and it's almost brainless. Can't beat that.
2. I like to be crafty. As such, I have taken to scrapbooking pictures from our wedding and honeymoon. It is such a fun way to add even more personality to those events, and if you get really creative you will help you and your spouse to remember some of your best times and it will be a great way to showcase your relationship to your children and grandchildren one day.
3. Along with #2, and #1, I have made what I call our "Love book". This was initially a gift I gave to my husband as his wedding present (we were barely making it to pay for the wedding and honeymoon, so I needed cheap). But I'm lucky, because my husband is super sappy, so it worked for us. I wrote down my memories of when we first met, and all the big moments leading up to that point in our life. I left room for pictures and cards or love notes we had for those times to add another element to it. I did fork out the money for a nice journal, but this is just a cute way to keep the special cards and notes you give each other. My husband then added his account of memories and his thoughts/feelings for our one year anniversary. Since then I've added to it as cute things come up. We both love this, and I especially love re-reading the beginning because it's easy to forget how much in love you were at the start.
4. Now that I've mentioned it-TAKE PICTURES! Don't live behind your camera, but make sure you have some visuals of your life together. My husband has gifted me a photo album each Christmas of the past years pictures and I love it. We go through it periodically with out little one and it's one more way to re-connect.
5. Since we're talking about putting effort into a relationship, let's just recognize it isn't always fun or goofy that is needed. I'm sure you've heard of this book as it was everywhere for a while, but "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is another way to help you connect. I think a lot of people just assume if you talk, you're communicating. What I have come to find, however, is that when my husband says something, it is very easy for me to read something else entirely from it because of my past experiences and my own thoughts about a particular subject. Now this book doesn't tell you how to overcome that, but it DOES help you understand how best to show your partner love. This can be rather difficult if you would rather hear expressions of love, but your partner would rather feel love physically. We tend to do the style that we, ourselves, want. So if you're telling your partner how much you love them, but they needs hugs and hand holding (Among other things) to feel loved....well my friend, you've got a problem. You can buy the book, or go to www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ and take the quiz yourself. Make sure your spouse is on board as well, so you can both start making sure you show love the way it's needed.
6. Remember when you were a kid and you had a list ten pages long of all the stuff you were going to accomplish? You had dreams, and you thought about them constantly. You should do this still, but with your SO. Where do you want to go on trips? What kind of house would you live in if you could? Was there something you always wanted to learn, and didn't? Make your lists again and see what you have in common. Some of your dreams might be lofty, but it's fun to dream. Talk about what you would do if you went to Italy. Then, decide if any of these dreams can be made into realistic goals. Have something you can both work towards. A common desire that you both try hard to make happen will bring you together. Maybe you can take a class together. Don't knock it!
7. Now, opposite of #6, make sure you both still have your own stuff. As a human being, your identity is not just spouse/partner. You need to make sure you have time to yourself to do whatever it is you do. Don't lose yourself! And if, for some reason, you never found yourself before becoming a twosome, find something now. It will be much more healthy for both of you, and will help rejuvenate you to be the best partner you can be!
8. This one I have not yet done myself, but want to. Write letters to your spouse, and seal them up. On the front, write things such as "Open when you have had a bad day at work." Or, "Open when you need a reminder of how much I love you." Or even "Open when you are feeling madly in love with me." Pour your heart into these. Tell jokes. Put silly pictures in. Make a list of all the great things about your partner that you appreciate. This one will take some effort, but it will be cherished for days/months to come.
9. And here we come to the best part. You guys-HAVE SEX. Whether missionary, or Kama Sutra style...with or without sexy clothing and/or toys...whether you role play or not-HAVE SEX. Not only is it an amazing way to feel utterly connected to your loved one, it makes you feel good about the rest of your life as well. It's exercise without feeling like it is, it makes you happier in general and relieves stress, and it can actually make you feel like you make more money than you do, and if that helps you not stress out about money in the middle of the night, then more power to you!
As you go through life, if you have that special person to share your time with, make sure you put in the effort. Always be sincere in your attempts to be close, and make sure that whatever time you spend, it is quality time. I know kids, work, money, and life in general make it hard to do this, but that's where these different suggestions come in. If you can do a combination of even just some of these, you will feel much happier in your relationship.
Go forth with sappiness, and Happy loving!
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