Job Search, Writing, and losing my mind

Holy cow.  I feel like there is no time to do all of the stuff that needs to be done, let alone what I want to do.  I feel anxious about everything.  It appears that I am unwanted by places that have job openings for something menial and basic like a secretary.  This isn't to say these jobs aren't nice, or rewarding.  I can very much see myself in something like that.  I don't want that to be my career, however.  Since I have been unable to receive contact from these places, I have decided to go out and dream big.  Super.  I have no experience though.  Oh sure, if you want to know what's on every burger at Carl's Jr. or where the scallions are, because you don't know they're just green onions, I'm your gal.  But if you want me to type up some e-mails, as far as my experience goes, you should absolutely laugh in my face and burn my application right in front of me.

I am unqualified for the jobs that i need to get me experience for other jobs.  So what...lie?  Beg?  Stage a protest that makes no sense because of course they are all going to hire someone with experience over someone who just really wants a job?  Yeah.  None of those seem good to me, either.

So while I am trying to decide what type of resume and cover letter to write to whichever company won't hire me, I am feeling like a loser because I want to write and feel like I don't have the time to do that and job searching.  Plus, there's the part where I'm a living person in a house that needs cleaning. 

I want this whole adult thing to be over with.  Or at least resolve the job issue.  I don't care if that means I have to have something else to worry about.  I'm done worrying about what the hell it is I'm going to do.  I'd like to be able to pay more of my bills.  Maybe I don't even get to pay all of them with the next job; but can I just pay more?  I'd also like my son to listen to me half of the time.  Look-I'm not even asking for all of the time.  Yet somehow, half seems to be incredibly idealistic as well. 

Yes, I'm being pathetic and whiny.  But look!  Self-aware.  Oh I don't know. 

Okay.  Fuck this.  I have a house.  I have low rent.  I have an adorable (when he wants to be) son.  I have an awesome fiance.  I just put gas in my car that got me over the half way mark.  I have put $20 into savings the last two weeks combined.  I have coffee to drink.  I have food to eat.  I have a computer and internet that allow me to be able to work on the things I need and want to. 

there.  Theoretically out of my funk.  Blast the music and eat some lunch.  maybe drink some wine.  I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. I AM AN ECCENTRIC WRITER GOD DAMNIT. Ha.  That felt good, too.  Okay.  Adios.